Little Sisters, some things never change...

So, the good news is that I have felt all the love and support spurred on by my blog! THANK YOU! Despite the fact that my sister posted it on social media before I was really ready to do that. #ThanksForOutingMe #NotHowIPlannedIt #SorryToThePeopleIDidn'tTellPersonally But this is what loving siblings do, right? I remember when Ryan was a feisty and loving big brother at the tender age of almost 3, and felt that Alex's dried umbilical chord needed to be removed IMMEDIATELY with a good, strong, YANK.  I still remember Mom in slow motion...NOOOOOOooooo and the blood curdling screams from new baby Alex.
And so, that is how my (new name I learned from insurance) Full Bilateral Mastectomy reveal felt. Just a little bit. It is not that I wasn't prepared to share and discuss, it was that I wanted to make sure I told some people in person, and I mostly did, but there are a few of you out there that I owe apologies to, I am sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you personally.  It wasn't personal, my baby sister thought she was being helpful, "I just thought you didn't want to toot your own horn!" Bless her heart.
So, hopefully, we are all past that, and we can move on to updates and thoughts (maybe feelings?) I will see how it goes. No promises.
I typically wake up every morning  at 5:30 am. (naturally, which is slightly annoying), and this past week, the first thing I do is search for new research or information on the process that I am having done. I sift through any new found research or narratives I can find to see if there is any new information that I should be arming myself with. Not much comes from those morning sessions and sometimes I just end up falling back to sleep. However, the more people hear about my situation, the more feedback I have been getting, sometimes it is even unsolicited and graphic! Fun times.
Last night I finally articulated to my fairy godmother (no, for real, fairy godmother #mygodmotherisbetterthanyours) that I feel terribly guilty about having this procedure voluntarily while so, so many women have a terrifying cancer diagnosis to go with it. For the record, I shall state, that logically I realize that is silly.  Unfortunately, knowing something logically doesn't always make the feelings go away.
And this is when the fairy godmother worked her fairy godmother magic (AKA her professional life coach skills) and flipped it all around and helped me see it from a different perspective. She simply asked if I was still in the PALB2 study, which I am, and ever so gently pointed out that my surgery will in fact directly affect the women of the future who will be facing cancer, or a high risk rate, such as myself. Suddenly my vision widened and I no longer felt like this was a completely selfish journey, I will be contributing to the overall knowledge of this nasty mutation and women will be able to make better informed decisions because I went before them! And the veil has lifted. (Did you see the fairy godmother wand just whizzz by?!)
I had another big revelation this week, I have a few choices I didn't realize I had! This is also really important to me.There is an element of powerlessness in this type of situation, putting your life and your body(appearance) into the hands of other people, for 4-12 hours straight during surgery, not to mention the helplessness that comes in the weeks following of not being able to fully care for myself.  But choices, choices about how this will happen and when, make a huge difference. I went to all of my pre-appointments alone, and as overwhelming as it was, I probably didn't really hear everything. Initially I just went along with the recommendations.  It wasn't until I talked to some other people, including my primary care physician, that I decided I could decline 2 surgeries and choose to get it all done in one.  They both have their pros and cons, but after a week of deliberation, I made the choice and made the changes.  This means that I will have a much longer surgery, a longer hospital stay(about a week), and much longer recovery process (8 weeks or more). BUT I HAVE CHOICES! I am definitely the person who will face adversity head on, despite fear or trepidation, so here we go! One and Done, you know,  like a Kentucky basketball player.
Since starting this post, the details have changed. Since the surgery is much longer, they can't do it during the slot I was originally scheduled for, the new (and longer surgery) is now scheduled for Dec. 6.  So I will be hurrying up to wait, as they say. And in the meantime little sister is starting her process of the same journey, I just wanted to put that in here...because turnabout is fair play little sister.  Fair play.
Peace and Love,
KGC